One of the most viewed posts on this blog is Why do abused children become abusers? published more than six years ago. In it I ask why some children who are abused grow up to be abusers themselves. Would not children who are abused understand above all how painful, destructive, indeed awful abuse is? Some children do grow up to be loving, caring parents. But research shows that a surprising number of adult abusers were themselves abused as children.
Among other things, what they so often learned wasn’t that bullying is bad but that it is the biggest bully who gets his or her way.
I have just read another blog post, Are African Americans Our Palestinians?, that has led me to conclude that something similar sometimes happens to whole cultures, or at least sub-cultures. In Israel today it seems to me that today’s government has come to believe that to achieve that oft-repeated vow, “never again”, it must be the biggest bully on the block.
And do you know who are Israel’s biggest supporters in this endeavour? The Land of the Free. The land where immigrants arrived and in the name of Freedom began a program of bullying the natives already living there. It was effectively a program of ethnic cleansing, eventually reducing the native American Indian population to a mere 5% of its original size. That lay the ground work for the importation of slaves, who even today in America suffer the effects of widespread prejudice.
We Americans and Israelis are not the only cultures, of course, to develop this pattern of bullying abuse. Nor are the citizens of any bullying country all guilty of self-delusion either. But we humans so often see the speck in our neighbor’s eye while missing the boulder in our own.
One further qualification: I myself have struggled for most of my life over the problem of using brute force. I do know that punishment is rarely as effective in child-raising or in changing behavior in general as encouragement and reward. But sometimes it seems to me behavior must be stopped by force. If force is necessary, I would use it on a two-year-old child heading for an open fire. I would shoot a man, given the chance, who was threatening to murder his wife. But would I support sending government troops to defend people threatened by ethnic cleansing? That gets more complicated, but if I thought I could stop such an outrage, I would.