The Other I

August 26, 2010

Backwards in small steps

Filed under: Just Stuff,Survival Strategies — theotheri @ 9:42 pm

For years I have had the habit of turning on music and exercising for 20-30 minutes every day.  I do have opt outs – never on Sunday or any other day where I’ve walked for at least an hour or been working flat out physically for most of the day.

Somehow I’ve managed to convince myself that I’ve been working “flat out” every day for the last three weeks, and having thus smothered my conscience, missed both my exercise and my music.

I have been noticing that a certain tension has been building up.  I’m sure both my heart rate and blood pressure were abnormally high and I’ve been having trouble sleeping.

“Too much coffee,” I said to myself.  So I switched to decaf.  It didn’t seem to help.

“Ah ha!” I said to my receptive self.  “I think you should have a gin and tonic several times this week instead of waiting until Friday.”  “Oh good,” my receptive self said.  And so I did.

I should have known it would only make things worse.

Today, though, I actually snapped.  I’m not a person given to temper tantrums and when I’m rarely upset if I need to change my scheduled plans.

But a delivery was supposed to be made sometime two days ago for an item we badly need for the garden.  So we waited in all day.  It didn’t come.  I called the delivery service and they said it was due to arrive yesterday so we waited in all day again.  It still wasn’t delivered.  This morning they said it would be delivered about eleven am.  today.  So Peter and I both readjusted our plans.  At 11:30 I checked the mail and found a notice saying the delivery had been attempted.  I called the delivery service again and they said the delivery man had banged on the door but nobody answered.  Nor were any neighbours at home.  (Well, they were, and so were we, so I have my suspicions.)

But the vagaries of the delivery man isn’t really my problem.  My problem was that I reacted physically and psychologically with absolute shock.  I was afraid to drive the car for fear I would be too distracted by this terrible catastrophe which had befallen me.

Truly, my physical reaction would have been appropriate to being told that I had two weeks to live.

I kept telling myself it was ridiculous, but adrenalin was still sweeping through my system ringing every alarm bell it could find.

And it finally dawned on me.

I need my music.  And I need my exercise.  They aren’t optional extras in my days any more than food or drink or brushing my teeth.  And if I don’t get them, I might regress in small steps I don’t notice.

But backwards I go.

So I didn’t skip the music or the exercise today.  I can tell even without counting that my pulse rate is back in its normal range.

And I really do believe that the garden will manage to survive until the delivery arrives.  It’s promised for tomorrow.


  1. Here in the colonies we have a saying: “Don’t sweat the small stuff!”


    Comment by budavar — August 27, 2010 @ 12:10 pm | Reply

    • Well, being someone who was born and raised in the colonies may be exactly why I thought my response was pretty out of proportion. Though I would think any body with any common sense would think the same. Even outside the colonies.

      The delivery came to day, by the way.



      Comment by theotheri — August 27, 2010 @ 9:14 pm | Reply

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