Right now the news here in England is reporting a spate of extraordinarily painful revelations about child abuse, including some almost unbelievable stories of children as young as ten who have become vicious abusers themselves.
On first thought, one would think that people who had themselves been abused would be more sensitive, not less, to the pain and damage abuse inflicts. Once in a while this happens, but more often than not, children who are abused themselves grow up to be abusers.
Why?
I think there are three reasons, two psychological and one bio-chemical.
Children who are abused by their caretakers, especially by one of their parents, often convince themselves that they deserve it. They are abused, they believe — or at least partly believe it – because they are bad. Awful as this conclusion is for a child, it is less terrifying than believing that it is their parent who is a bad person who does not love them. Because then the child is absolutely alone, vulnerable and helpless in a terrifying world in which they have no protection, no place to lie down, no food, no guidance. It is less hopeless for the child to believe that by being a better person he can do something to make things better. They tell themselves that they are abused because their parent or caretaker loves them and are trying to teach them to be better.
An abused child also grows up to be an abuser because he or she has been taught that it is the bigger bully who gets what he or she wants. He doesn’t learn from being abused not to abuse. Just the opposite: he learns that the abuser is the one people give into; the abuser is the one who gets what he wants by sheer threat. So he learns how to be a bigger bully than those around him or her.
And lastly, abused children often have not been given the opportunity to put themselves in another person’s place, to learn to understand what it must feel like to be in somebody else’s position. There is some evidence that this is not only a psychological difficulty, but is actually reflected in stunted neuro-physiological development.
So I think the judge who looked at a young man convicted today of torturing a darling two-year-old toddler and said he was the epitome of evil was wrong. I think he was almost certainly an abused child himself.
From my perspective there are so many things wrong with the scientific method of delving into other peoples minds to find answers to questions that make you curious. I would like to suggest only a few athough i have many. My points will be candid and if they offend or shake please know that is not my intention.
The sanctity of mind body and soul is the most important thing not only for the subject being investigated but for the inquistor as well. Consider telling a anyone they are not accountable for their deeds and offering excuses instead. There is the danger of interrupting the privacy one needs to examine their own concience. A space that belongs to only God. Some wounds are never closed because of it. What a waste of spiritual growth. Time could be better spent inspiring true teachings. Prayer. Contemplation, work teaching what we know, our creed and searching and freedom to avoid the occassion of sin and forgive and forget. Even if the scientist is clergy no sin is absolved without repentence.
Comment by katheen mary f. — December 4, 2011 @ 8:10 am |
Thank you for this comment. I certainly am not offended by it although, as you no doubt know, I do not agree. But I have come to believe that nobody is right about everything, and that it is immensely valuable to listen to points of view that are different from our own. But to share in the wisdom of others, we have to overcome our resistance to talking to those with whom we disagree. The only rule I impose on myself and on others is that we listen and speak with respect. We cannot possibly agree with everything everyone says. But we can respect it, and truly try to understand how they have arrived at the conclusions they have.
And so I welcome your point of view wholeheartedly.
Once again, thank you.
Comment by Terry Sissons — December 4, 2011 @ 9:14 pm |